There was a brand spankin' new baby on the bus home today. I could tell because its eyes still had that shiny new eye look. Kinda glazed, like the dirt and pollution haven't spoiled them yet. It had a really full tuft of hair though. If I didn't know any better I would have placed bets on it being a toupe. And I wouldn't put it past some crazy Korean mother, worried about the amount of hair her newborn baby has, to buy one and glue it on its head.
My coteacher was practising health terms with the kids today and listing the names of things like, sore throat, headache, stomachache. She was just asking for words and one boy shouted, "EYE ACHE!" and then looked utterly perplexed when I burst into laughter. Why don't we call it an eyeache? I suppose because it sounds so ridiculous.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Big Oma's House
I feel like if Koreans could understand black culture and conquer their fear of everyone with dark skin, Tyler Perry could really clean up here. They love men dressed as women. LOVE IT. Every show has at least one segment if not more of men dressed as women. The boy bands always have a go, at least once a year, dressing up like the girl bands and performing their songs. This is a comedy group, but you get the picture.
Not that Tyler Perry needs more money, but it's something to think about movie makers! Maybe I should make Koreanized versions of his films and make my own easy 13 mill.
So you think you're a twink Jonah Hill? No no, my friend, this is a twink.
Small children are chanting something in another area of the school. Filtered through the walls, floors, and my own mind it sounds like, "Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!" I picture a class full of them karate chopping their way through the afternoon.
Not that Tyler Perry needs more money, but it's something to think about movie makers! Maybe I should make Koreanized versions of his films and make my own easy 13 mill.
So you think you're a twink Jonah Hill? No no, my friend, this is a twink.
Small children are chanting something in another area of the school. Filtered through the walls, floors, and my own mind it sounds like, "Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya! Hi-ya!" I picture a class full of them karate chopping their way through the afternoon.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
So Not Worth It
Well well, let's just chalk this up to another life lesson Korea has so graciously bequeathed me. I had made many assumptions as to how this day would have gone, and you know what assuming does. First and foremost, I thought "let's go see a movie" meant traversing to the movie theater not more than two miles away from the school. Let me say that again, Not More Than Two Miles Away. From certain areas of the school I can actually see the movie theater. For reasons unknown to me, the decision had been made to go to the Guri movie theater. Guri is an hour away from the school, maybe 40 minutes by car. Next, the movie choice was Mr. Poppers Penguins. I could go a thousand lifetimes without having to have to see Mr. Poppers Penguins. It was the thought that counted though as the other teachers didn't want me to see a movie I couldn't understand. Although, the movie didn't start until 3:30. Meaning I wouldn't get home until 6:30. Roughly TWO HOURS after I normally get home. My plans to see a movie and then get to go home early were brutally dashed. Alright, I got a free movie and some ice cream waffle out of the deal. Let's move on to the content of the movie. Not only did they completely bastardize the delightful memories I have of the classic book, but they did it while forcing me to watch Jim Carey mince about the screen. I made some mental notes during the film in order to give the full experience of what I had to sit through.
1.) I realize every story has to have a villain, but in this particular story, the villain was the zookeeper who is concerned, and rightfully so might I add, about the well-being and care of the penguins. In this universe, the New York Zoo is the enemy.
2.) The mom, the character who is supposed to be the most responsible shown by the fact that the children like her better, not only approves of her 10 year old son receiving six LIVE penguins as a birthday gift, but is upset and disappointed that Popper has given them to the zoo. AND! She is 100% A-OK with her children living in Antarctic conditions. Stay longer, she says, sleep over, she says. Homeless people DIE if they sleep outside in the dead of winter, but by all means, please keep all the doors and window open and shovel snow into the living room. That sounds like a safe environment for children.
3.) The ending (SPOILER ALERT!) results in the entire family bringing the penguins back to the Antarctic to be reunited with their penguin brethen. Have they seen March of the Penguins?! PENGUINS ARE DYING OUT THERE MAN!!!!! Really, Popper? That's a better environment for your precious penguins than a zoo where they are fed regularly and are never in danger of being eaten by free Willy. Really? REALLY?!
4.) The expression "Who gives a rat's butthole" was used to display the rough and tumble manner of New Yorkers.
However, there were two redeeming qualities of this film.
A.) I was relieved to see Angela Lansbury is still alive. Totally thought she was dead.
B.) There was a pretty good BLT/Kareem Abdul Jabbar joke I enjoyed, and was also the only one in the entire theater laughing.
C.) I love penguins and it made me really want to hold a penguin.
At the end, as we were leaving, my co-teacher asked me if it was worth it to wait and everything. I smiled, chuckled, and then said, "Well, I've got to go. See you tomorrow!" I wonder if she got the message.
1.) I realize every story has to have a villain, but in this particular story, the villain was the zookeeper who is concerned, and rightfully so might I add, about the well-being and care of the penguins. In this universe, the New York Zoo is the enemy.
2.) The mom, the character who is supposed to be the most responsible shown by the fact that the children like her better, not only approves of her 10 year old son receiving six LIVE penguins as a birthday gift, but is upset and disappointed that Popper has given them to the zoo. AND! She is 100% A-OK with her children living in Antarctic conditions. Stay longer, she says, sleep over, she says. Homeless people DIE if they sleep outside in the dead of winter, but by all means, please keep all the doors and window open and shovel snow into the living room. That sounds like a safe environment for children.
3.) The ending (SPOILER ALERT!) results in the entire family bringing the penguins back to the Antarctic to be reunited with their penguin brethen. Have they seen March of the Penguins?! PENGUINS ARE DYING OUT THERE MAN!!!!! Really, Popper? That's a better environment for your precious penguins than a zoo where they are fed regularly and are never in danger of being eaten by free Willy. Really? REALLY?!
4.) The expression "Who gives a rat's butthole" was used to display the rough and tumble manner of New Yorkers.
However, there were two redeeming qualities of this film.
A.) I was relieved to see Angela Lansbury is still alive. Totally thought she was dead.
B.) There was a pretty good BLT/Kareem Abdul Jabbar joke I enjoyed, and was also the only one in the entire theater laughing.
C.) I love penguins and it made me really want to hold a penguin.
At the end, as we were leaving, my co-teacher asked me if it was worth it to wait and everything. I smiled, chuckled, and then said, "Well, I've got to go. See you tomorrow!" I wonder if she got the message.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
G'morning
Assuming the small girl who tapped me on the arm and said "Hello" on the bus this morning was a student at my school, I began a conversation of mixed Korean and English:
Girl: Hello
Me: Hi.
Girl: 영어선생님이요? [Are you an English teacher?]
Me: Yes.
Girl: (Korean I didn't understand)
Me: I don't speak Korean.
Girl: (stares at me for a few seconds and then continues talking in Korean)
Me: I don't know what you're saying.
Girl: (pauses) Apple?
Me: What? Apple?
Girl: Apple 먹었어요? [Did you eat an apple?]
Me: Yes...
Girl: 저도요. [Me too.]
Then she got off the bus at a different elementary school, leaving me utterly perplexed as to why she randomly said hello to me and, more importantly, HOW DID SHE KNOW I ATE AN APPLE?! I did, however, enjoy her nonchalant attitude towards us both eating apples. She said it in a very casual manner like we were old friends.
Girl: Hello
Me: Hi.
Girl: 영어선생님이요? [Are you an English teacher?]
Me: Yes.
Girl: (Korean I didn't understand)
Me: I don't speak Korean.
Girl: (stares at me for a few seconds and then continues talking in Korean)
Me: I don't know what you're saying.
Girl: (pauses) Apple?
Me: What? Apple?
Girl: Apple 먹었어요? [Did you eat an apple?]
Me: Yes...
Girl: 저도요. [Me too.]
Then she got off the bus at a different elementary school, leaving me utterly perplexed as to why she randomly said hello to me and, more importantly, HOW DID SHE KNOW I ATE AN APPLE?! I did, however, enjoy her nonchalant attitude towards us both eating apples. She said it in a very casual manner like we were old friends.
Cooking
I realize I am a grown woman, but the idea of using a Dutch oven still makes me giggle. I really really really want to buy an electric oven since I can do more cooking and make pizzas and stuff, but it would also add to the amount of things I will eventually have to rid myself of, or figure out how to send home....it's a pickle. Meanwhile, I must survive by skillet alone!
I was invited to watch a movie with the teachers after lunch tomorrow...I accepted after hearing "you get to leave early" but word on the grapevine is we will be watching something from the Jim Carey wheelhouse which I assume will be Mr. Poppers Penguins. The jury is still out as to whether it will be worth it or not.
This evening's activities included watching one dog kill a fly, after hunting it relentlessly for a couple hours, only to be eaten by the other dog. Oh and Downton Abbey.
This evening's activities included watching one dog kill a fly, after hunting it relentlessly for a couple hours, only to be eaten by the other dog. Oh and Downton Abbey.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Ques-clamation Mark Points
I have a sneaking suspicion that the bakery sold me a day old baguette under the guise of a present day baguette. The crust was harder than usual as well as the part of the meat that was in contact with the crust.
This morning I woke up a half hour later than usual, but fortunately I had purchased a breakfast sandwich the day before. I could liken it to an egg mcmuffin because it was of the english muffin variety of sandwiches, but believe you me, it was no mcmuffin. There was some white sauce coupled with a red sauce but I refused to investigate further since I was so hungry and in a hurry. You win again Paris Baguette.
I am continually disappointed by the lack of things that work in this country outside of Seoul. I tried to look up ingredients of a donut at the aforementioned Paris Baguette in Korean or English because my Kipper had eaten it and I was worried about the chocolate. Anyway, the website had NO INFORMATION about anything. The American site at least had pictures of the products listed. The only picture on the Korean website was some drawing of a bakery and the words for bread, cake, and other. And then! and THEN this morning I waited for the bus for 20 minutes only to have it zoom past, leaving myself and others staring in wonderment at what just happened. The thing that really grinds my gears is that this particular bus seemingly has no schedule. The timing that shows up at the bus stop is never correct either. It's literally a guessing game and it. is. infuriating. I asked my coteacher when I started at this school if there was a listing of bus schedules I could look at for the buses and her reply, maybe somewhere on the internet. THEN HOW DO YOU FIND ANYTHING?!??!?!! I am patiently awaiting my return to normalcy and civilization.
I'm having a love affair with Lambrusco wine lately. The alcohol content is so low I can have two whole glasses!!! Can you believe it?!
I wonder if Tig Notaro would hire me as her assistant. I adore her green shoes she wore on Conan. GREEN SHOES GREEN SHOES! I chanted that at the screen while I watched it.
Maybe it's the wine, but both SNL and the Jonah Hill episode of Conan made me laugh and laugh and laugh. Sidenote, Jonah Hill looks like his head has somehow been biologically photoshopped onto another body. I don't understand why he still has such a large head and tiny tiny hands. Also, he referred to himself as a twink, but..... I beg to differ. He's not fat anymore, but I think "twink" is a reach.
This morning I woke up a half hour later than usual, but fortunately I had purchased a breakfast sandwich the day before. I could liken it to an egg mcmuffin because it was of the english muffin variety of sandwiches, but believe you me, it was no mcmuffin. There was some white sauce coupled with a red sauce but I refused to investigate further since I was so hungry and in a hurry. You win again Paris Baguette.
I am continually disappointed by the lack of things that work in this country outside of Seoul. I tried to look up ingredients of a donut at the aforementioned Paris Baguette in Korean or English because my Kipper had eaten it and I was worried about the chocolate. Anyway, the website had NO INFORMATION about anything. The American site at least had pictures of the products listed. The only picture on the Korean website was some drawing of a bakery and the words for bread, cake, and other. And then! and THEN this morning I waited for the bus for 20 minutes only to have it zoom past, leaving myself and others staring in wonderment at what just happened. The thing that really grinds my gears is that this particular bus seemingly has no schedule. The timing that shows up at the bus stop is never correct either. It's literally a guessing game and it. is. infuriating. I asked my coteacher when I started at this school if there was a listing of bus schedules I could look at for the buses and her reply, maybe somewhere on the internet. THEN HOW DO YOU FIND ANYTHING?!??!?!! I am patiently awaiting my return to normalcy and civilization.
I'm having a love affair with Lambrusco wine lately. The alcohol content is so low I can have two whole glasses!!! Can you believe it?!
I wonder if Tig Notaro would hire me as her assistant. I adore her green shoes she wore on Conan. GREEN SHOES GREEN SHOES! I chanted that at the screen while I watched it.
Maybe it's the wine, but both SNL and the Jonah Hill episode of Conan made me laugh and laugh and laugh. Sidenote, Jonah Hill looks like his head has somehow been biologically photoshopped onto another body. I don't understand why he still has such a large head and tiny tiny hands. Also, he referred to himself as a twink, but..... I beg to differ. He's not fat anymore, but I think "twink" is a reach.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
How come when I google image search Carol Channing, photos of Johnny Depp are interspersed among the results? You are no Carol Channing, sir, and how dare you try to fool me into thinking so.
High points of losing my sense of smell due to a stuffy nose: I can roam the countryside without being assaulted by the fog of manure that has encapsulated my neighborhood.
High points of losing my sense of smell due to a stuffy nose: I can roam the countryside without being assaulted by the fog of manure that has encapsulated my neighborhood.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The Em Dash
I'm trying to find online work I can do in my down time to raise some extra moola, so far no one has hired me, but today I got a request to send a sample out. In the posting it specified that applicants know what an "em dash" is and how to use it. Instinctively I went straight to Wikipedia to find out and was greeted by this delightful example of usage:
At that age I once stabbed my best friend, Fred, with a pair of pinking shears in the base of the neck, enraged because he had been given the comprehensive sixty-four-crayon Crayola box—including the gold and silver crayons—and would not let me look closely at the box to see how Crayola had stabilized the built-in crayon sharpener under the tiers of crayons.
The more you know.
Living alone really messes with my ability to distinguish my dreams from reality. I can't think of any examples at the moment, but just in the general sense of seeing and talking to people. Lately I've found myself in the midst of a murder mystery dreamscape, but that's most likely attributed to my habit of watching Hercule Poirot mysteries before bedtime. Last night I had a weird one, but all I can remember is that it involved some sort of chocolate, my dogs, and straw on the floor. Not really sure where all that was headed, but I wish I could remember because it sounds intriguing in hindsight.
At that age I once stabbed my best friend, Fred, with a pair of pinking shears in the base of the neck, enraged because he had been given the comprehensive sixty-four-crayon Crayola box—including the gold and silver crayons—and would not let me look closely at the box to see how Crayola had stabilized the built-in crayon sharpener under the tiers of crayons.
The more you know.
Living alone really messes with my ability to distinguish my dreams from reality. I can't think of any examples at the moment, but just in the general sense of seeing and talking to people. Lately I've found myself in the midst of a murder mystery dreamscape, but that's most likely attributed to my habit of watching Hercule Poirot mysteries before bedtime. Last night I had a weird one, but all I can remember is that it involved some sort of chocolate, my dogs, and straw on the floor. Not really sure where all that was headed, but I wish I could remember because it sounds intriguing in hindsight.
Woohoo
I admit it, I am a closet CSI fan. I'll give you two reasons.
1. Cowboy Curtis joined the cast in 2008.
2. The spanking new boss of the Las Vegas Police Crime Scene Investigators is none other than one MISTER TED DANSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited, there are no words.
1. Cowboy Curtis joined the cast in 2008.
2. The spanking new boss of the Las Vegas Police Crime Scene Investigators is none other than one MISTER TED DANSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so excited, there are no words.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
My Wife
Some things in the English language have forever been changed for me. For instance, I will never again hear someone say, "my wife" in any context, any sentence structure, without immediately following it up in my head with Borat's voice repeating it.
Two fifth grade girls both had broken arms, one the left and the other the right. I imagine it was because of some ultimate high-fiving action gone wrong, but I can't be sure.
I need this
Two fifth grade girls both had broken arms, one the left and the other the right. I imagine it was because of some ultimate high-fiving action gone wrong, but I can't be sure.
I need this
Monday, September 12, 2011
Pooch
I want this dog, or at least little slippers to put on my own dog's feet.
Kip is leaving. They are sending him to Canada. Apparently some woman is arranging a family to adopt him there. Hopefully everything will work out. I wasn't expecting such an occurrence so I have to rush and get all his vaccines and stuff. I think it's just rabies, but I hope it works out for him. I will feel so guilty if he can't go for some reason because I was lazy. I do love love love having a little dog I can carry around and squeeze whenever I please. Louis is nice and everything but he doesn't like being crowded and he's far to big for me to carry. I have to find some sort of wagon or cart soon so I can take him to get his teeth cleaned. I got the idea from all the old women around here pushing around these tweaked out strollers. Maybe I can just find an old stroller to plop him in.
I am having a love affair with nectarines lately. Actually they're called Cheondo peaches because they come from Cheondo, but they're not peaches at all! It also makes me feel very superior and frugal because I can buy one apple for $3 or 8 nectarines for $3. Chumps.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Osaka
Whenever I hear the name Osaka I always think of this, my favorite clip from the Lion King
except I replace "Mufasa" with Osaka.
except I replace "Mufasa" with Osaka.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Marry Me!
Rewatching Bridesmaids and The IT Crowd...and maybe a little Submarine as well to even things out.
Friday, September 9, 2011
She seemed friendly, although I'd love to know what the last book she liked was. Because I think...it was Superfudge.
-Julie Klausner
Sometimes this is what I ponder when I meet new people.
Perfect cardigan weather today. I'm tempted to go strolling to the grocer, but my legs hurt from all the frolicking I've been doing with the dogs this past week.
This new prescription is like I bought myself a brand new pair of eyes. The world is so much brighter. I thought maybe the prescription was too strong because I had a bit of a headache yesterday, but turns out my eyes just weren't used to being able to see things clearly. It's funny how things here are so perfect for my body because EVERYONE is basically the same shapes. I've always had trouble with fitting the eye pieces with the bridge (or lack thereof) of my nose, but these fit like a dream! They're absolutely perfect and I am so pleased.
I cannot wrap my head around biting into a tomato as though it is an apple. I'm staring at a nice rotund specimen as we speak and it very briefly occurred to me to go right up to it and take a bite, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It doesn't make sense to me. It must be sliced or chopped in some manner before I can partake. Call me old fashioned.
-Julie Klausner
Sometimes this is what I ponder when I meet new people.
Perfect cardigan weather today. I'm tempted to go strolling to the grocer, but my legs hurt from all the frolicking I've been doing with the dogs this past week.
This new prescription is like I bought myself a brand new pair of eyes. The world is so much brighter. I thought maybe the prescription was too strong because I had a bit of a headache yesterday, but turns out my eyes just weren't used to being able to see things clearly. It's funny how things here are so perfect for my body because EVERYONE is basically the same shapes. I've always had trouble with fitting the eye pieces with the bridge (or lack thereof) of my nose, but these fit like a dream! They're absolutely perfect and I am so pleased.
I cannot wrap my head around biting into a tomato as though it is an apple. I'm staring at a nice rotund specimen as we speak and it very briefly occurred to me to go right up to it and take a bite, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It doesn't make sense to me. It must be sliced or chopped in some manner before I can partake. Call me old fashioned.
Salt and Pepper My Mango
Who wants this
When you can have all of this
Take note world, the pasty doughboys will one day rule us all.
Is it more distressing to see one lost shoe or the pair? A pair of errant shoes seems a little less disconcerting because they are not alone in the world. At the very least they have each other. One lone shoe bothers me because there is simply no rhyme or reason to its presence. Where did it come from? Was it tossed aside carelessly by its owner? Did someone simply misstep, losing their left shoe and, having lost all feeling in their feet years ago, they didn't even realize they were now sans shoe? Perhaps it was tossed from a moving car as one of those practical jokes youngsters are so fond of these days. I think it sits so disagreeably with me because it reminds me of those kidnapped children ads I used to see on Saturday mornings and after school specials. An empty swing swaying back and forth, a soccer ball rolling slowly through the gutter, and a dainty shoe left in a sandbox.
Check it. Breakfast of champions. (Just kidding mom)*
*not kidding.
When you can have all of this
Take note world, the pasty doughboys will one day rule us all.
Is it more distressing to see one lost shoe or the pair? A pair of errant shoes seems a little less disconcerting because they are not alone in the world. At the very least they have each other. One lone shoe bothers me because there is simply no rhyme or reason to its presence. Where did it come from? Was it tossed aside carelessly by its owner? Did someone simply misstep, losing their left shoe and, having lost all feeling in their feet years ago, they didn't even realize they were now sans shoe? Perhaps it was tossed from a moving car as one of those practical jokes youngsters are so fond of these days. I think it sits so disagreeably with me because it reminds me of those kidnapped children ads I used to see on Saturday mornings and after school specials. An empty swing swaying back and forth, a soccer ball rolling slowly through the gutter, and a dainty shoe left in a sandbox.
Check it. Breakfast of champions. (Just kidding mom)*
*not kidding.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Treats
I have treated myself today to a new pair of spectacles, cheese nips, olives, and Hercule Poirot. Agatha Christie gets me all riled up, even in film form. I found myself exclaiming and pouncing on my dog in joy when the murderer was punched in the face and fell into a pond. I'm trying to fully embrace the Korean geek-chic look. The eye exam was super quick and no air blowy thing, but cheap so I was happy.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Oh the Humanity
1 season of Freaks and Geeks
2 seasons of Pushing Daisies
3 seasons of Arrested Development
One Tree Hill is going into its NINTH SEASON! The audacity...I feel like they need to stop purely out of respect for television itself. If there is ever a committee to prosecute crimes against television viewers One Tree Hill would be the first on the chopping block. Followed quite closely by Two And A Half Men, saved only by the amazing cameos of Judy Greer and Ryan Stiles.
2 seasons of Pushing Daisies
3 seasons of Arrested Development
One Tree Hill is going into its NINTH SEASON! The audacity...I feel like they need to stop purely out of respect for television itself. If there is ever a committee to prosecute crimes against television viewers One Tree Hill would be the first on the chopping block. Followed quite closely by Two And A Half Men, saved only by the amazing cameos of Judy Greer and Ryan Stiles.
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