Baby Foot

It feels like cruel and unusual punishment that I have to get up before the sun rises.

I feel guilty leaving my pup at home which forces me to live vicariously through the lives of friends who go out and do fun things.

This magical photo was taken by Miss Anna Gail, whose name alone delights me to immeasurable proportions.

That's Quite Enough, Toby Keith

There is this third grade girl who occasionally comes up behind me and starts giving me a shoulder massage. It is the most enjoyable massage I think I have ever received. She has these strong little hands that needle their way deep into the muscle. I want to hire her as my personal masseuse, but I suppose that would be inappropriate what with her having to learn the ABC's and other garbage.

Fit to Burst

I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet, but I would like to sit atop a mound of frosted sugar cookies (the kind only made at Christmastime in the Strand household) and eat my way to the bottom. Throw in some peanut butter bon bons and my life would be complete.

It is Halloween day, but luckily I am in Korea so I don't have to smell all those Halloween smells that accompany plastic costumes and face paint. I have argued before that Easter is the better holiday for candy, but I give you this as my second food related argument.
It appears to be some sort of Halloween bread, possibly a pastry, but it looks like something the Pillsbury Doughboy pooped out. The glossy sheen is what puts me off the most I think. I suppose it's unfair because, really, what can stand up to an Easter ham? Ain't no party like an Easter ham party!

Sunday Funday

To my delight I learned that a handful of banks are open on Sunday for migrant workers (me.) So I ventured into Seoul early in the morn to do my business.

Sights and Sounds:
1.) An elderly lady was making a small pile of garbage underneath her (LITTER BUG!) I think she was trying to be stealthy, but I caught her.

2.) Two small girls took a tumble right into a mud puddle and commenced with blood curdling screams.

3.) I have never seen a real life baby sitting in one of those bumbo chairs, but today was the day. She was sitting right there in the restaurant and I was fascinated...I don't know what it was that mesmerized me so much. I think it was because it looked so unnatural. A baby sitting like a regular person when their bodies are so lumpy and troll-like.


I am missing Daegu these days. The availability of delicious foodstuffs was so much easier to obtain. Five minute walk and I could feast on spicy rice cakes and dumplings, but here I am forced to make my own food. Can you believe it?!!

Ice Cream Mountain

I was blown away today when I learned that there is an actual Ben and Jerry responsible for such succulent treats. And of course they're old and bearded. I hope to be greeted by a pint of Americone Dream as soon as my little tootsies touch US soil.

The folks upstairs are making quite a racket these days. I hear lots of banging and rhythmic stomping.

New hobby: sketching portraits of celebrities. Meet Ned Danson, Ted's creepy younger brother.

If I never knit anything else in my lifetime except for these two dog hats...I will be satisfied.

Them's Learning English

Boy: Teacher, you look so Korean now. When you first came you looked...
Me: Beautiful?
Boy: No.

School lunch has been going downhill lately. But tomorrow, blessed Wednesday, the menu lists barbecued duck. I am more excited about it than I probably should be, but I've been eating stir fried kimchi with rice, chicken fried rice, and kimchi pancakes so my meals at school bring me my only thrills. I also found these delightful rice bowls at Emart which have reconnected me with my roots via teriyaki chicken.

Louis, whether he appreciates it or not, is now the center of my life and I really wish I could carry him around in a papoose-like contraption all the day long.

I wonder how comfortable a pair of baggy pants held up only by suspenders would be. They look plenty comfortable and I always see old men wearing them. Lord knows they love comfort!

Here's what I need- some brown linen trousers, a couple of wigs, and a friend in a white business skirt suit. My halloween dreams will come true.

Treat Yo' Self

Oh the delight of freshly shorn hair. I don't think I love anything more than getting a hair cut. Something about having my head pulled this way and that brings me back to childhood. Plus, my hair never looks better than right after a haircut because they do such magical things to it. Magical hairdresser secrets.

She told me I should get a magic perm at the end. At first she thought I had a wave perm, but I had to say, "No...it's just my crazy hair." I think next month I will go back and get the elusive magic perm. STRAIGHT HAIR WOO! Although I did not appreciate the strange look of wide-eyed confusion when I didn't know what the girl at the desk was asking me. She looked at me like I was an alien.

This will be the winter of Kari. Bring on the sweaters! Bring on the knit hats! It will be brilliant and warm.

The Key to My Heart is Giant Cookie Shaped

The click clacking of clavas from down the hall sends me right back to middle school band practice.

Grape season is over, but now we enter the clementine season which is arguably better because they are easier to transport and a pleasant citrusy odor is left on your hands to comfort you throughout the afternoon.

I really really really really really really really want one of those giant luxury cookies. Something along the lines of this.

Then I would sit in the middle of the mall, preferably fountain adjacent, and go to town. It would also amuse me to think that passerbys would think to themselves, "She does not look like a Little Slugger," and possibly accuse me in their mind of stealing a young child's gigantic cookie.

At the end of every week I have to resist the urge to play Rebecca Black's "Friday" while dancing wildly around the room, taunting the sixth graders.

I decided to watch some dog training videos today in my down time. Hopefully I will be able to master it. The videos really made me want another dog for some reason. I think I just want something to carry around like a baby. Louis is too heavy and doesn't like to be picked up. He's quite finicky that way. I pounced on him this morning, much to his discomfort. I like to roll him whenever possible as well, just so he remembers who's boss.

I wish I had a little mini heater and an air mattress so I could crawl under my desk and nap after lunch. It's 14 degrees celsius in here today compared to yesterday's blazing 15. The internets tell me that is upper 50s American style, but it still feels really cold to me. I keep my house between 26-28 so maybe that makes it feel extra cold when I venture out.

There Aren't Any Filthy Astronauts Living Around Here

I cried when I had no shoes.
Until I met a man who had no feet.
And then I laughed. Really hard.
-Gerri Blank

My go-to pick me up tv shows: Upright Citizens Brigade, Strangers with Candy, and Arrested Development.

I really need a haircut. I keep telling myself I need to go do it, but for some reason it never comes to fruition. I think I'm intimidated by all the contraptions I see in the window.

My dinner of fried kimchi and tofu has filled the house with quite a pungent odor that immediately became unpleasant the second I was done eating. I wish it would go far far away, but that would require opening the windows, which I am too delicate to tolerate at this juncture.

I would like to make a Dancing With Cats type collage, except all the pictures would be of me and Louis instead of cats. He would be sitting or laying in various positions with me dancing around him. He isn't as lively as those cats and I find that, in general, he is unamused by my dancing.

Reds

The gingers of my childhood.







I'd like to gather them all in one room and circle around me.

No Soup On A Bench

I wish I lived in Pawnee so I could be Leslie Knope's friend. I would reach out the olive branch and bridge the divide between the library and parks and rec department.

This may be a fat person thing to say, but the young lass who bagged my cinnamon roll totally ruined the cream cheese frosting on the top. She haphazardly threw it in top down and then sideways (!) so all the frosting rubbed off on the bag. I had half a mind to march back down there and show her how it's done...but that would be weird and she probably wouldn't understand what was happening.

Somehow my Louis manages to maneuver his way around the squeakers in his toys. I think he actually fully disabled one of them so it no longer squeaks at all. He's pretty much a genius.

Pizza Pizza

I allow myself one pizza a month and today was the day! I even got free salad bar side dishes because it took an hour instead of 30 minutes. If only the salad bar wasn't gross. Cold sweet mashed potatoes, ice berg lettuce, wet onions, a little canned corn, aloe jello, and cold sweet tomato pasta. They really like to put sugar in places where they don't belong. So much gross food, what's a gal to do.


Is Little Caesars Pizza officially out of business? I loved those commercials. I always wanted to take those breadsticks away from that little man. HE DIDN'T DESERVE THOSE BREADSTICKS!!!!

Louis has been as happy as a cat eating cheesecake now that Kip is gone. I can't carry him around like a newborn baby, but I can lie on top of him like a warm furry little body pillow.

Kudos to the maracas player in Foster the People. It's hard to look cool while playing the maracas, but you sir pull it off beautifully.

While listening to the Pod F Tompkast, I realized his accompianist is named "Eban." What a brilliant name. It immediately draws people in because they are forced to make a split second decision as to whether the person saying the name has a speech impediment, your hearing is wonks, or they are actually saying "Eban" and not "Evan." It's tricksy, it's dangerous, it's swirled in mystery, and I love it.

If you tell me you don't love things dressed up in bee costumes, YOU ARE A LIAR.

For some reason I always want to call this actor Andrew Garfield. If I knew him personally I would suggest a name change.

Ultimate Fantasy Dinner Party

Catherine O'Hara
Fred Willard
Wallace Shawn
Ray Ramano
Bronson Pinchot as Balki from Perfect Strangers
Elllie Kemper as Erin from The Office
Kaitlin Olsen
Stephen Merchant (to add a little culture)
Tig Notaro
I don't know if any of these people would get along...but I would like to talk to all of them face to face and maybe sit next to them, invading their personal bubbles. Perhaps some light shoulder stroking would also be involved. You never can tell with these things.

Unrelated- I love the sound old timey (aka 1990s) computer keyboards make. Another thing I took away from Sleepless in Seattle: I want a pull down map of the United States in my kitchen with which I could educate folks.
I made a wish list of things for Louis on Amazon...that little creature has no idea what's in store for him back in America. Raincoats, paw mittens, sweaters, and more! I wonder if they make kidney bean costumes for dogs...

Great Pumpkin

Autumnal words of wisdom: "Never jump into a pile of leaves with a wet sucker." -Linus van Pelt

Oh Halloween candy, when will we meet again?

Since there is no Doctor Who until Christmas, I had to resort to a Nora Ephron marathon today. After a little When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, and You've Got Mail, it turns out my perfect man is some sort of Tom Hanks/Billy Crystal combo and that is slightly unsettling. I'm still not sure what that says about me and my taste for men.

I swear this is the last one...he's just so darn key-yoot!

There is a faint smell of wet dog permeating the nostrils at the moment, but both dogs are spick and span. I have just learned of a magical instrument called The Furminator. Someday it will be mine. I'll show that fur who's boss!

Cuddlebug

Curious Case of Adoptive Parents

For every wonderful adoptee story, there's always the ones that slip through the cracks that people don't talk about. Not every adoptee gets a happy home. Just something to think about.

Recently there have been two emergencies in our adoptee community. Matthew, who was adopted to the U.S., was brutally attacked and thrown in front of a car by a white American male in Itaewon on Oct. 1. He sustained two fractures in his jaw and is not able to eat solid food, much less work. In addition, his parents did not get him naturalized in the U.S. so he is living as a Korean citizen who cannot speak Korean, which makes finding work for him difficult.
Tim was found by another adoptee, Michael Moon, on the streets in Itaewon around mid-August. Tim, whose parents also did not get him U.S. citizenship, was deported from the U.S. more than half a year ago. He became homeless while in Korea because he had no one to care for him; he lives with a mental illness for which he received social security benefits in the U.S. which was left untreated when he came to Korea. He has been in the care of Pastor Kim, Jane, and Michael for about one month now. Because of his disability it is hard for him to live at KoRoot, so he is living in a gosiwon in Itaewon now. It is our understanding that he will need to be supported by the community for one year for his living costs. After one year, he will be able to classified as handicapped and receive benefits from the Korean government. (Michael and I have called his parents, and they want absolutely nothing to do with him and will not give a penny toward his living expenses, and they do not want him to come back to the U.S.)
As members of the adoptee community and our friends, no matter what your organizational affiliation, please help give Matthew and Tim a temporary lift as they work their way toward self-sufficiency by participating in this potluck dinner and silent auction fundraiser. Sometimes all we have is each other.
For friends overseas who would like to contribute, you can send funds to TRACK's accounts. This is not a "TRACK project," but rather, someone needs to administrate the funds and TRACK's accounts are set up so we can withdraw and use the money in Korea. The accounts are:
Paypal: truthreconcile@gmail.com
Woori Bank - SWIFT Code : HVBKKRSEXXX
Acct: 1002-738-888382 TRENKAJANEJEONGTRACK

Kari Strand's Steps to Best Friendship

Step 1. I take a tumble off your bean bag chair, recliner, love seat, ottoman, or hammock.

Step 2. Share a meal of bacon and/or baked goods are made.

Step 3. Reminisce about past experiences playing a musical instrument. Extra points if a band camp or marching band anecdote is included.

Step 4. At any point in time we brush each other's hair. Not necessarily simultaneously or in sequence, nor does it have to be in the same room, the same day, or the same year. As long as hair brushing is both received and given, this step will be considered complete.

Step 5. Undergarments are strewn, without shame, in any number of scenarios. Hanging from ceiling fixtures, thrown at your head, worn as accessories, adorning furniture, or sling-shotted around the room (to everyone's delight, of course) are all possibilities, although many variations are likely to occur.

Step 6. Your feet come in contact with mine and revolt is not demonstrated by either party.

Step 7. A variety of hats are worn together for no reason other than to wear hats and/or pretend to be pirates/private detectives.

Step 8. The final, and most important step- the sleepover. True friendship is waking up to me staring at you.

Breakfast Soup

I ate soup for breakfast today and felt like a real Korean. It took some coaxing before I felt comfortable enough to really dig in, like I was flaunting some sort of breakfast law. The Cookie Crisp Policeman will be after me, no doubt, then I'll be on the run like the Trix Bunny and Lucky Charms leprachaun.

Kipper

A new couple is interested in Kip. I suppose it's probably good since I end up treating him more and more like my little baby every passing day. Every time someone is interested in him I get a really strong urge to keep him, but I'm trying to keep in mind the time he ate all those eggs and tore the garbage apart so the feelings subside. I am part of this group on facebook, Animal Rescue Korea that does a lot of work for abandoned animals in Korea, but people really went off on this girl that had to give her newly adopted puppy back because it had seperation anxiety. It makes me feel a little nervous about giving Kip away, but if we stay in touch then I can at least be there to take him back if they find they don't want him. And, both strays I've found and re-homed have been successful so I'm feeling positive about it. I'm also debating whether I should foster another animal if Kip gets adopted. J thinks that I should absolutely not and focus on training Lou. It is sometimes stressful to have two animals when I'm only one small person...maybe a cat. Definitely not another dog....unless it's super small and super calm. I think those are far and few between though. Even Kip is a bit of a terror sometimes. Yes, definitely only a cat if the need arises. It's settled then.

My three day weekend was a success. It was relaxing and I got a bit of laundry done while chasing my dogs around the apartment with my dancing and pointing (I like to point at them a lot with finger guns just to keep them on their toes). I did have the most terrible tacos due to my unwise decision to be spontaneous and order Buffalo Chicken Tacos; not realizing that my old archnemisis Blue Cheese would be involved. I guess in retrospect, I have no concept of what "buffalo" means when joined with a meal. I assumed it would just be a spicy chicken taco. Apparently it means piling a mound of fried onions atop of a mound of chicken, very sneakily covering a layer of blue cheese cubes, adding a little lettuce and tomato on the side, as well as some sliced avocado, with a sauce I did not recognize or partake of due to its creamy, mayonaise-esque appearance. I was sorely disappointed, but the rice and beans were good. Lesson learned, On The Border, lesson learned. On my official holiday (Monday) I meant to get more housework done, but instead read the Hunger Games and made soup.

I've been thinking lately about my own time in elementary school and how some of the children here can tolerate going through such easy English lessons when their own English level is so much higher. The only times I can remember being really annoyed was during class reading time where the teacher would pick students to read aloud from the book we all read together. There were those kids who could only read one word per minute and with no inflection or storytelling ability. I'd always end up reading ahead and try to quiet the urge to rip the book from their hands and do it myself or yell out how to pronounce "photograph." And it always infuriated me to no end during music class when the teacher would never call on me even though I was the only one with my hand raised (yes I was that child). But now, seeing how the same students answer all the questions and, if left unchecked the other students will just rely on the one or two to give the answers, I give her a little credit. Not much...but a little. Like a thimble's worth of credit.

Toughnuts

I like parties, it's balloons I don't like. Don't talk to me about balloons. Balloons explode, Jen. They explode suddenly and unexpectedly. They are filled with the capacity to give me a little fright. And I find that unbearable.
Roy always manages to sum up my feelings about life perfectly.


I need this dog stat. TOO CUTE!!!!!!! I'm obsessed with dogs lately. I really love the small ones now, but only if they're not yippy. There is a dog across the hall that is always yipping when it hears someone. I find the family strange as well. The wife did a lot of peeping out the door at us. She would actually crack the door open and watch while we were in the hall. They have a dog, and yet the woman acts afraid of my dogs even though they ignore her. They have a son in high school and one day the father opened the door at the same time I was coming out and the boy was standing in the doorway in nothing but his tighty whities. As soon as he saw me he ducked back behind the corner, but I found it amusing nonetheless.

I ate too much today. I think it's the change in weather and not wanting to go out. I like being tucked into bed with my pups around me, sipping on various beverages and watching my programs.